20th monthiversary today

We were married 20 months ago today.

We celebrated “monthiversaries” on the 7th of each month because Dana Farber didn’t think we’d even make it to our first anniversary. We did get to one, just one. There will never be another.

We would have celebrated today. “You should celebrate anyway!” you might say. How? Light a candle? Sit quietly and think about her? That’s pretty much all I do anyway. Do something you would have done with her? We would have cuddled on the couch, like we always did. Can’t do that without her. Maybe we would have gone out to dinner. I’m not going to dinner by myself.

First decent snow at the house. She would have loved to wake up and look outside and see the scene. And to sit by the woodstove while I shoveled us out. There is no romance to doing this alone. Just grief.

Happy 20th monthiversary, my love. How I wish you were here with me.